Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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