Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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