my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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