All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So vagazzling was a success
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
