Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You can't special order awesome
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
