Who wears a wallet chain?!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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