What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
