But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
