elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
