she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
