I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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