oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You are the jesus of drinking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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