God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
