I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
