I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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