if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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