i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
