why do cheetos always look like penises
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
