I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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