he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize