I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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