I'm so fucking centered right now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
