Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
