dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
