Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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