I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
