hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
