can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
