dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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