I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
