Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize