wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
