She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I currently don't understand fingers.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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