So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
