I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
