one word: firstdatebathroomanal
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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