are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
