I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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