First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
