Can Purell be used as lube?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
