you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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