I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize