u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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