Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My ATM looks so different sober.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
