Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
