Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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