I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
