I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
