what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
