please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
