i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
