This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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