Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize