thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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