Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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