I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
