nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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