I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize