He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
