When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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