found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
