I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
