I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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