Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
