It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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