Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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