addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
