Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
