South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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