Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
