we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
