I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
