Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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