Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
