wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am naked and annoyed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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