Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she smelled like a LAN party
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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