Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
