Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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