Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
