And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize