yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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