and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
