Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
