No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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