On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
