his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
