reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
