i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize