There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
