He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
