Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
