Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize