and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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