she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
