I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
