he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
