i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
being pregnant is like rehab
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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