We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
