piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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